Solving a Problem.

Solving a Problem.

            The number one life skill I wish to pass on to my magnificent brood is the ability to think on their feet. I am a problem solver from childhood. My father was the one that taught me to think along the lines of making it, fixing it, or improving it if didn’t work. “It” can be anything. Tools, décor, bookshelves, cars, you name it. I loved making things with my father. (Ok, so repairing cars wasn’t fun, but I can impress you with my knowledge of them.)

            When I started this blog, I kept having difficulty with my hard plosive sounds. You know, that noise of the P that is the little forceful expulsion of air that comes from making the sound. I thought about what I had learned from my obsession with the music industry. I realized I needed a wind screen for the mic. This is the mesh shield to catch the air and keep the noise from reaching my recording. Now, here in America, I am always surprised by the response that my fellow citizens have to this sort of situation.

            I know in my heart that many would have said that I needed to buy a professional mic with stand and fancy pants professional screen. The cheapest I was able to find right now on Google was 100.00. Now, I have a hundred bucks. I ALSO have a vegetable strainer and crocheted pot holder. I spent twenty bucks on a webcam with mic and now hold it inside my potholder covered vegetable strainer. My solution is cheaper and works pretty well. I figured it out without a huge expense.

            There are corners of the world that are surprising me and encouraging this kind of thinking. I love Etsy how it inspires creative people to make useful and pretty things. People are seeing patterns and having ideas that I deeply appreciate. Engendering a love of making, doing, figuring out, exploring, and trying is key to my parenting style.  I was thrilled when my daughter learned to crochet. It seems that these kinds of creative people learn to look at all of life’s problems with a “How do we fix it” attitude.

            Those times when I feel stuck or stymied, I do not sit around and wait for someone to figure it out for me or hand me all I need to solve my next dilemma. Instead, I look to what I have on hand. What skills, ideas, solutions and new ways of thinking do I need to adopt to kick this problem? Sometimes, I need to jettison something like a bad habit. Rarely do I have to go buy something, change everything about myself, or try to be something I’m not. In fact, when I have tried those solutions, I almost broke inside. God has made me to be me and given me what I need to figure it out.

            So, if you are feeling lost as to what to do with a problem you are facing, look at your life and figure it out. I promise, just putting one foot out and taking a step is usually all that is needed. 

Relationship

Relationship.

            Faith is the key. Faith is ever abiding and shores up. Faith holds on in spite of an overwhelming lack of evidence. Faith has felt and heard the voice of the Father and will never walk away from Him. Faith isn’t fancy in a tidy suit and appropriate hair cuts. Faith can be messy. Relationship will have you mocked. Relationship is hard.

            I look out at the wonders of the universe and see an invisible hand and my heart swells. Others look out and see only numbers, equations, and cold emptiness. I marvel that in the face of all that vast BIGNESS OF IT, God sees me. It seems impossible that a being capable of sustaining all of that for BILLIONS of years cares for me and my heart condition. No wonder they call me crazy. No wonder it is so hard to see. It would be so much easier to see numbers, equations, and cold emptiness.

            Having felt the Presence of the Divine, I had no other recourse but to choose. I sat down with an encyclopedia; a spiral bound notebook, and a ball point pen. I was 15? 16? I do not remember. At age 10 I wondered, “If I were in India, wouldn’t I be a good, little Hindu girl in a Hindu school? What of Jesus then?” It was a valid question that nagged at my mind. I had to sort it out for myself. I made several headings at the top of the page, “Sin,” “Dealing with Sin,” “Paths to Redemption,” and “Eternal Life.” I then went down the side of the page with all the religions I could possibly think of.

            The outcome was shocking. At “Paths to Redemption” I saw that only Christianity said, “You do not have one. I came to you and found you.” Christianity is the only place where people in all conditions and make ups were completely accepted no matter what. All the other religions I could think of on my paper gave hard, grueling chores to be carried out. AND IF you managed to carry all of them out dutifully, the capricious god at the end of it could not allow you rest or eternal life because of your beard length. I had had enough of nonsense like that. I chose then and I choose now to stay with Christianity.

            The religion of my last blog had eliminated GRACE. Sure, Jesus loves you, but you can’t act this way anymore. You can’t have fun, listen to loud music, run indoors, dress fashionably, and enjoy ANYTHING of modern pop culture. To do so would somehow void your free redemption landing you in “backslidden.”

            When you live in Relationship holding the hand of the great God, it is really hard to stumble into that which He hates. And what is it that truly God hates?  Since I have chosen this path, I offer this, Proverbs 6:16-19:

¹⁶ There are six things that the Lord hates,
    seven that are an abomination to him:
¹⁷ haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
    and hands that shed innocent blood,
¹⁸ a heart that devises wicked plans,
    feet that make haste to run to evil,
¹⁹ a false witness who breathes out lies,
    and one who sows discord among brothers.

            When I look to the legalistic clap trap of those that adhere to their ridiculous paths to extra special holiness, I see the above things. All of them there on that list are present in a legalistic mind set. For, with legalism there must always be an accuser. Always police informers to tattle about Karen and how she posted horrendous things. Relentless eyes that see all and are eager to judge every single word I say here. Look to the words on the page. Be free of bondage and embrace true and living Grace from Jesus today. 

Painful Truths.

Painful truth.

            I am and will be until further notice a Christian. I am and will be devoted to the teaching of Christ. But at this point I am leaving the cultish churches of my past. I want to be blatantly clear. My parents only assented to the nonsense of their ilk because of their chosen profession. Said my mom, “Honey, the only people doing Christian schools back then were Baptists and Catholics. We made our choice.” I will also point out that when my parents were given a freer hand they made Highland Christian School. Under their care, it became a place where questions could be freely asked, ideas could be exchanged without judgment, and simple truths were taught. This blog is not about Joe and Eloise Delinski. Know that right now. This blog is about the churches we were temporarily a part of and that I knew of through a friend.

            I will get to the heart of the matter with this LOVELY quote from the very controversial man H.P. Lovecraft. Here I have a visual aid. 

Ouch. I have seen it with my very own eyes. It is here that I must clarify the difference between what I believe about that oft repeated phrase, “Relationship vs. Religion.” Religion says that we have to have some way to make a path to Heaven. We must convince people that this path is the only path. They must bow, scrape, give up the simple pleasures that this world affords, they will be controlled by what we say they can think. I listened to the restrictions of the churches they read like this, “No dancing (of any kind). No secular music. Ladies at all times must keep knees and décolletage covered. Men must keep hair trimmed above the ears at all times; beards must be neatly trimmed and respectful if one must have a beard. Music must be in quiet tones. Drums come from Africa and African religions. They are a link to paganism and have no place at all in the Christian home and MOST certainly NOT in the church. Hymns will be added after scrutiny of lyrics and musical stylings. Artists like Michael W. Smith and Amy Grant that claim to be ‘Christians’ only pervert young minds and encourage them to backslide away from the decent truths of Christ. We are to avoid all appearance of evil and music that sounds evil IS evil. Do not even THINK about alcohol.”

            Now I do agree that the ten commandments are summed up by Christ’s teaching on the Greatest Command to “love God and love each other.” I am right now talking about domination, fear, and mind control. I saw these played out right in front of my eyes in my friends’ lives and could do nothing to stop it. I could only be ready with tissues.

            My peers lived in a nightmare where exposed knees and bopping up and down to a music video could be punished. Severely. They lived in a nightmare where simply saying what they saw as clear logical truths could have them sent to special classes and quite simply put, reprogrammed. I would like to say that things have changed that I don’t see this kind of nonsense anymore, BUT I DO! Now, this is not about my church. I have found a rare and wonderful haven where thoughts are not feared and questions are encouraged. I never knew such a place existed, but it does. NOPE. This next bit applies to people who tell me that I have to deny all the basic science and known laws of the universe to be saved. It applies to the horrendously insecure person who told my friend that her need to take anti-depressants made her “no Christian at all.” It does apply to all that would keep people from using birth control in their marriages and dictate how they are to live in all aspects of life. NOT OK.

            The Bible says nothing at all about ANY of that stuff. You are making it up out of the TOPS OF YOUR HEADS AND TELLING US WE NEED TO BUY IT TO BE A “SPECIAL KIND OF HOLY.” God forbid it. You have added words to God’s truths and therefore bear the consequences of it.

            God offers us a relationship that is a choice. You can choose to believe as I do or choose to not. I can only choose for me and cannot impose on anyone else. If anyone wants to know the reasons I stay, tune next time. But know, I will not tolerate any of that nonsense in my life anymore.

There is one who helped me immeasurably. Thank you friend. 

Learning Enabled part 3.

Learning enabled part 3.

            Up until now, I have been quiet on the subject of my daughter Sarah. Honestly her coming along helped me to understand that my parenting was NOT to blame for Joey’s difficulties. She responded to my husband and I in ways that let us know we were managing to do something right. Then she outstripped us.

            When she was 18 months she could speak very well in complete sentences. I was stunned. At 2, people understood her plainly when she spoke and mistook her for being 3. At 4 she worked 24-48 piece puzzles with ease and asked if they came bigger. Just before her 5^th birthday she learned reading in one afternoon spent with me. She looked at me and said, “I got it mom. Let me read the rest to you.”  This child continues to amaze me. At 6 she figured out number lines and negative numbers in her head with only vague conversations with her father about numbers “under” 0. As we sat and worked a puzzle, I thought to teach her about borrowing numbers from neighbors to work a subtraction problem. We were playing with Ellanor working a 24 piece puzzle. She had fit 19 of the pieces together. So, I said, sweeping the remaining pieces away, “How many pieces do we have left? 24-19?” Without missing a beat she responds, “Five.” Startled I ask, “How did you get that?” She launched into an explanation of negative one, adding it in, removing it later, and “Mom it’s five. Isn’t it?” Stunned I said, “Yes, but people less bright than you will work the problem this way…..” Last night, at 7 and a half, she asked if she could stop doing the third grade math on her school’s math game website and do the fourth grade level. YES yes you can.

            But there have been difficulties, too.  If there is a problem that her mind cannot easily figure, she is stopped DEAD in her tracks almost to the point of tears. I have had to cajole, pry, and push effort out of her. I realized that things come so easily that when presented with “needing to work,” she has no idea how to process that. We’ve had to have so many conversations on this point. She finally concedes that she needs to face challenges with the immense ability her mind possesses. Then she can catapult past her mother into the atmosphere. She agreed that this was a good goal. Her determination has been inspiring and just a touch frighteningly impressive.

            So I watch her rise to her own person with awe and gratitude for the gift that God has trusted me with. With humble heart I ask for wisdom and capability for training this person to truly become precisely what she means to be. 

Learning disabled part 2.

             I knew from early on that my experience of Joey was different from what other moms were experiencing. He could not be made happy, well, unless I held him every hour of the day as TIGHTLY as I could. In my post-partum, first-time mom state, I found this exhausting. I wasn’t ready for it and as I looked at my son, I knew he was in pain.

            Clue number 1. He would not latch on to my breast or anything else properly. He lost weight became jaundiced. We spent time in the NICU under UV lamps. The nurse that attended us most was a La Leche league mom with ten children of her own. She and I became very well acquainted with each other during feedings. She grabbed my breast, held my baby to me, and stared in consternation as she had never seen anything like this. The baby could not eat. She brought in a pump. I was horrified by it, but if this was the way to get my baby well, this was what I would do. He could not suck from the bottle. She stared in wonder. This uber-mom of ten that had breast fed each until 3 years, could not get my son to eat. She stayed well past her shift end. Finally she said, “There is no shame in formula, honey Get the faster flow nipples to start.”

            Clue number 2. I could not wrap the child tightly enough in any blanket. I had to nigh on to sew them onto him in a tight burrito to get him to calm down and sleep. (He still cocoons.)

            Clue number 3. Joey was slow to walk and speak, but once he did both, he did not stop either.

            Clue number 4. At a young age, he was hyper focused on wheels, especially the external pistons of train wheels. Yes, yes I do know the “Thomas Train Engine” American and British tv show theme songs. He stayed with Thomas well past the other boys his age leaving the Isle of Sodor. I have also been to every “steamie” train show from here to Ohio. These are fun all up until the whistles blow.

            Clue number 5. Joey still to this day cannot manage loud noises. Now, what you and I consider loud is deafening to him. What HE considers loud is barely above normal sound range to you and me. I found a brand name of small ear plugs that helped immensely. He now navigates crowds with foam in his ears and there are times I envy him. Tied to this issue were socks. Socks caused him physical pain as did heat of any kind. I learned to ignore the comments of little old ladies in grocery stores on 50 degree days. “No, he doesn’t need a coat. Go away.” I found that Kohl’s made shirts without tags and Target has the best knit jammies on the market for children. I learned to sing less loudly. This is Sensory Processing disorder.

            Clue number 6. He was removed from Sunday School at age two for meltdowns over these issues above. Meltdowns are breath taking. You see, the pain that these stimuli causes him pushes him in the panic mode of “Fight or Flight” for some spectrum moms, this means long runs down WalMart aisles after children with wild panic in their eyes. For me it meant getting pummeled on a regular basis by someone in fear for his life. We did therapy for this. Your pediatrician can recommend a good Occupational Therapist to rewire the nervous system. It took 2 years of my life.

            All of it added up to one picture that was as clear as day to me, he needed something more than I could give. I offered all this info to a pediatric psychiatrist and a therapist. We found a balance of meds that give his mind respite enough to handle the necessities of school and social function. What has made this road easier, was that I had struggled with so much of this myself.

            My life was already on the rigid routine that managed mood and ADHD. I already kept things friendly and quiet. We are both on this road to learn how to navigate life together. We go to therapy together. We sit quietly together. I read him stories in dulcet tones with many voices. We understand each other. I know what to show him to make school, and some day, work accessible and doable. God put us together because He knew we would understand each other and help each other and that has been the biggest blessing.