Learning disabled part 2.

             I knew from early on that my experience of Joey was different from what other moms were experiencing. He could not be made happy, well, unless I held him every hour of the day as TIGHTLY as I could. In my post-partum, first-time mom state, I found this exhausting. I wasn’t ready for it and as I looked at my son, I knew he was in pain.

            Clue number 1. He would not latch on to my breast or anything else properly. He lost weight became jaundiced. We spent time in the NICU under UV lamps. The nurse that attended us most was a La Leche league mom with ten children of her own. She and I became very well acquainted with each other during feedings. She grabbed my breast, held my baby to me, and stared in consternation as she had never seen anything like this. The baby could not eat. She brought in a pump. I was horrified by it, but if this was the way to get my baby well, this was what I would do. He could not suck from the bottle. She stared in wonder. This uber-mom of ten that had breast fed each until 3 years, could not get my son to eat. She stayed well past her shift end. Finally she said, “There is no shame in formula, honey Get the faster flow nipples to start.”

            Clue number 2. I could not wrap the child tightly enough in any blanket. I had to nigh on to sew them onto him in a tight burrito to get him to calm down and sleep. (He still cocoons.)

            Clue number 3. Joey was slow to walk and speak, but once he did both, he did not stop either.

            Clue number 4. At a young age, he was hyper focused on wheels, especially the external pistons of train wheels. Yes, yes I do know the “Thomas Train Engine” American and British tv show theme songs. He stayed with Thomas well past the other boys his age leaving the Isle of Sodor. I have also been to every “steamie” train show from here to Ohio. These are fun all up until the whistles blow.

            Clue number 5. Joey still to this day cannot manage loud noises. Now, what you and I consider loud is deafening to him. What HE considers loud is barely above normal sound range to you and me. I found a brand name of small ear plugs that helped immensely. He now navigates crowds with foam in his ears and there are times I envy him. Tied to this issue were socks. Socks caused him physical pain as did heat of any kind. I learned to ignore the comments of little old ladies in grocery stores on 50 degree days. “No, he doesn’t need a coat. Go away.” I found that Kohl’s made shirts without tags and Target has the best knit jammies on the market for children. I learned to sing less loudly. This is Sensory Processing disorder.

            Clue number 6. He was removed from Sunday School at age two for meltdowns over these issues above. Meltdowns are breath taking. You see, the pain that these stimuli causes him pushes him in the panic mode of “Fight or Flight” for some spectrum moms, this means long runs down WalMart aisles after children with wild panic in their eyes. For me it meant getting pummeled on a regular basis by someone in fear for his life. We did therapy for this. Your pediatrician can recommend a good Occupational Therapist to rewire the nervous system. It took 2 years of my life.

            All of it added up to one picture that was as clear as day to me, he needed something more than I could give. I offered all this info to a pediatric psychiatrist and a therapist. We found a balance of meds that give his mind respite enough to handle the necessities of school and social function. What has made this road easier, was that I had struggled with so much of this myself.

            My life was already on the rigid routine that managed mood and ADHD. I already kept things friendly and quiet. We are both on this road to learn how to navigate life together. We go to therapy together. We sit quietly together. I read him stories in dulcet tones with many voices. We understand each other. I know what to show him to make school, and some day, work accessible and doable. God put us together because He knew we would understand each other and help each other and that has been the biggest blessing.